i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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