in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
