I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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