did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
