Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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