I heard we made out
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
