im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize