I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
