I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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