Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
