I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
