How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
this is an emotional support booty call
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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