i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
