why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
