with your own penis?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
