You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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