this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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