I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
