I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
