I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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