your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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