I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
