ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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