He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
