Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
