You can't special order awesome
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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