Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
