so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
