it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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