I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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