My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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