we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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