My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
