dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
