just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
