Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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