Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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