I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
