Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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