Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
