my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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