Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
