If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
