dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
