i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
All I want is dick and wine.
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