Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
