is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
