i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
