I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
