If i come over, it means nothing
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
