hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
