How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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