1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
operation have a gay friend backfired
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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