I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
