The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize