you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
