I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize