evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
