Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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