I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
