Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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