Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
