i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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