I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
