and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This is my gift to your gina
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
