He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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