i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
His nipple licking is glorious
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