It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
