no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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