Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The Olympian is in my bed
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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