I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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