I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So vagazzling was a success
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
